I think Stephanie's challenge really gave me the courage to share all the craziness that is in my head and heart right now. So, with a bit of hesitation, here is my heart.
1. I'm tired. I'm tired of traveling, of living out of a suitcase and being surrounded by boxes. I'm tired of our toddler not sleeping at a reasonable hour. I'm tired of not getting "me" time. I'm tired of laundry, of dishes, or a never ending to-do list. I'm sure there is more but I'm too tired to list them.
2. I'm scared. I'm scared of not making any friends in this new city. I'm scared that the Navy won't let us go back home to San Diego. I'm scared that I'm doing everything wrong for my daughter or not doing enough for her. I'm scared that I won't ever figure out how to balance my life. I'm scared that if life ever presents more obstacles before me, I won't be strong enough or smart enough to overcome them. I'm scared that when I meet those obstacles, my husband will be on deployment. I'm scared of doing it all on my own.
But despite it all...
3. I'm excited. I'm excited to watch my baby grow each and every day. I'm excited to cook dinner every night and scrapbook our family memories. I'm excited (albeit scared) to see where the Navy takes us next. If not San Diego, maybe Hawaii? :) I'm excited to be blogging again. I'm excited about planning a second birthday party - any theme ideas?? My excitement is all over the place!
And finally...
4. I'm grateful. I'm grateful for my amazing family and friends. I'm especially grateful for Justin who has been at my side for...a very long time. I'm grateful for the opportunity to stay at home with Charlotte, even if it's just for a little bit. I'm grateful for the $3 rain boots I found for Charlotte on consignment today. Lady bugs. Super cute.
So, there is it. My heart on a blog for the month of October. Here's hoping that by next month and with a little bit more settling in, my fatigue and fears subside a bit.
Sending much love. Let's talk on the phone soon. My current struggles are different but maybe we can hold each other's hands metaphorically... Love, E
ReplyDeleteE - I'll give you a ring next week. We can hold hands over the phone. Love you!
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness I SO identify with this post. I wish I could just hug you and be your friend. This life is terrifying and amazing isn't it?
ReplyDeleteRemember I will also fly out to see you and the gang, whether its rainy San Diego or sunny Hawaii!
ReplyDeleteI just wish we weren't so far apart! I'm so there right now, in that same mental space. Somebody better invent those transporters right quick, is all I'm saying.
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